Life holds disappointments. The bigger the risk, the more exposed we are! Part of the deal with living big is that not everything you want makes it to your doorway unscathed. We compromise, forgive, and let go of those things that we think we’ll never get over. We put on our boots and get back up and RIDE!

We all have our own inventory of losses and missed opportunities. Growing up a military brat, I loved all things aviation. The smell of jet fuel or the crack of a sonic boom still brings back dreams of adventure above the earth. James Michner’s tome about space exploration was my favorite book for many years.

In the mid 80′s, I was thrilled when Deke Slayton accepted my invitation to speak to a Colorado Springs audience I was assembling. An event producer at the time, this was quite a coup for me professionally, but on a personal level it was the culmination of a lifelong dream. And thus began my friendship with a modern hero.

Deke as I knew him by NASA photographer

Deke Slayton was, of course, one of the Mercury 7, also known as the Original 7, astronauts to go into space. Known as Don to his family and friends, Deke was unable to go to the moon because of a previously undiscovered heart issue. Instead, he made his mark as a pilot of the Apollo Soyuz first test mission, as well as being Director of Mission Control during the famed “successful failure” of the Apollo 13 mission.

Almost a decade after our initial meeting,  I had finally become a photographer, but our visits were all on the phone at this point. And then Deke Slayton “slipped the surly bonds of earth,”  and I never made a single image of the iconic man. Oh, if only….. It haunts me to this day, but that is how life is. Imperfect.

In 1992, through a fellow Amnesty International volunteer, I had the opportunity to meet Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon, and was granted a rare opportunity to schedule a photo session of  the astronaut. My concept was one that, to my supreme amazement, nobody had ever asked him to sit for. The thrill of this photographic first with a man who walked on the moon was almost more than I could imagine. Finally I would “get my astronaut” – on film anyway!

It took nearly a year to match the schedules of one busy photographer, one heavily booked contemporary icon and the necessary presence of a true full moon. Only twelve possible dates in a year. As fate would have it, the hills surrounding his Laguna home had severely burned in a recent fire. While this was a devastation to Southern California, it was the perfect setting for my once-in-a-lifetime image. The charred cleared land, eerily mimicking the lunar surface, seductively spread before me for miles. Who could find joy in such destruction but an artist hungering for an historical image?

Being “experienced” I knew that renting a 600mm lens would be the answer to my special needs for this shoot. The rising full moon imposing over his bomber-jacket clad shoulder with the natural glow on his face from the setting sun. Most people think that taking a photo of the moon is easy because it is so imposing. But when viewed the moon recedes much more than we see with our eyes. Photography is like that. Many things do not translate well: snow, fire, water, the sun and yes, the moon, all require special attention in order to present as we see them in our mind’s eye. The reasons for this are mysterious, but suffice it to say that the human brain rarely perceives “reality,” but a version of reality. Herein lies the technical aspect of photography. I was very cocky with my big lens!!

Big lens, big clouds

Up to this early point in my photography career I had learned to shoot images on location only. No studio work. My skills did not include artificial lighting of any kind. I never even used an on-camera flash! The sun had always been my friend, my timing of golden light and shade had produced good coverage.  So we waited for all of the elements to line up….. for that special moment Deke had taught me about years earlier – as the sun lowers toward the horizon the moon rises above the horizon on the opposite side of the sky. Hence, the full moon!

But mother nature had other plans and just as the moon positioned itself like an enormous yellow ball over his shoulder, huge clouds quickly rolled in and all went dark and ominous. I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t thought of this. I never expected it. We waited. We made uncomfortable conversation. He asked where my lights were. I could have died. I got nothing.

So… letting go. It’s something we all know too well. If I had let my embarrassment – or some might call it failure – stop me from trying again, I never would have experienced all of the joy photography has laid before me. I struggled for many years with insecurities about my work, my art. But I just kept shooting. Like Mickey Mantle kept swinging. And one day, one magical day, i realized that finally I knew that I could make images I loved and was proud of, no matter what the circumstances. Twenty years of dedication was all it took! I’m glad I didn’t know that then.

In love and light, Roni